When You Start Your Marriage with a Deployment…

When You Start Your Marriage with a Deployment


“My spouse and I were married, and a few days/weeks later, he/she deployed to Iraq/Afghanistan.”

Stories of spouses who are separated by a deployment just after their wedding are common in the military. Our story is one of those, and it’s changed the way I view our life together.

While he’s at work today, I’m working on freelance deadlines and looking forward to an upcoming getaway to Budapest. I am blessed.

This time last year, I was traveling without him; running my way through his deployment one race at a time. Summer fighting season was winding down in Afghanistan, and we’d not had many phone calls through the summer months.

I didn’t have to search Google for “Kunar + Afghanistan” today to figure out how his day or week is going. He’ll be home for dinner, and he’ll tell me about his day then. He kissed me goodbye this morning and he’ll kiss me goodnight tonight.

When we go to Budapest, we’ll be together.

Life is good.

When you start your marriage separated by deployment…

  • it’s nearly impossible to take for granted holding hands on the couch at night.
  • a weekend getaway anywhere feels like a gift (Eastern European ones doubly so).
  • you learn that conversations can wait until the right time; immediate gratification is easy, but patience builds confidence in yourself and in your relationship.
  • it’s nothing short of magical knowing that by the time he deploys again (if he deploys again), a new human will be in the world who’s half him and half you.

Not a day goes by when I don’t feel, at least in passing, grateful that we’re together with no deployments in the foreseeable future.

What has deployment taught you and your family?

How has it changed your outlook on your marriage and the time you get to spend together?

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7 Comments

  1. Yep, I can totally relate: went to the courthouse, got my dependent ID a week later, and he deployed a week after that. I am really looking forward to him coming back (possibly early but we’ll see about that….), having our church wedding and reception, going on our honeymoon, and then moving to AZ and making our first home together! Counting down….can’t wait! 🙂

    • Malori, I know how tough it can be some days. Hang in there and keep looking forward towards those things that you’ll share when he comes home (the church wedding, the honeymoon, your first home together). Praying that he has a safe end to this deployment and that you stay busy until he’s home again.

  2. Deployments ALWAYS draws us closer has a couple and family, we have our seperate ups and downs but when we come together its rewarding!

  3. My husband and I got married in May, he went to basic in June, I had our son 3 week later. He is in tech school now, getting ready to go overseas for atleast a year… Oh the heartbreak… But every second we get together is that much more precious!

  4. My wife and I got married a month before she deployed. she’s only been gone a few weeks and it feels like forever =( I just miss her so much. Thankfully I get to talk to her pretty often which makes things a little easier and crossed fingers this deployment is a short one.

    • I hope you’re hanging in there, Macy! Starting your marriage off with a deployment can make your marriage really resilient in the long-run, but that’s only because it’s so danged hard in the short-term. I hope you’ve found some friends/support locally in the community, and that you and your wife continue to get to talk often. That’s awesome!

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