Stormy Days

Stormy DaysSmall Shaw woke me up early this morning. She was hungry, scared, and crying in her crib. I sat with her, comforted her, nursed her, and got her back into bed for some much needed sleep (for her) and alone time (for me).

After I got her back into bed, I read one of those “Facebook isn’t real life” posts on someone else’s blog. It was the kind of post that reminds us that we all curate our online profiles so that we present ourselves in the best light possible. 

People are surprised sometimes by how introverted I am. Maybe I fool them with my outgoingness, but the truth is that I’m a textbook introvert. If I don’t have quiet time by myself on a regular basis, I lose perspective and get pretty down on myself. That happened this weekend.

Things are fine in my world. I’m fine. Life, on a whole, is great (really), but maybe it’s time I shot straight with you: Not every day is a big adventure around here.

Learning, growing, exploring, and sharing with others are all important to me. Having big adventures (like skiing in the Alps) is a blessing, but I truly believe that it’s not the “what” but the “how” that makes our days meaningful. Skiing the Alps with the wrong attitude is less exciting than taking a day trip to the next little town over from yours — if you explore that town with an eagerness to be contended by simple pleasures.

So while I believe in sharing the big adventures, I also know that it’s my attitude that determines whether any adventure, exploration, or plane Jane Sunday afternoon is great or terrible; fun or lousy. This weekend, I sucked at attitude. I sucked at embracing the same challenges and blessings and moments that I usually consider to be a really important part of my unique worldview — of who I am.

We’re our best selves when we live in our strengths, and yet I lost part of my Sunday to the ugly little black hole of my own weaknesses. I started out a little bit off my game and a little bit angry with someone I love, and the next thing I knew, I was nose-deep in the dumps.

We all live in or weaknesses sometimes. We’re less thoughtful than we want to be. We find less of ourselves to give to others than we wish we could. We break promises. We’re hurtful. We’re ungrateful. We wake up on the wrong side of the bed. We’re weak. And, in cases like mine, we’re such perfectionists that those moments of weakness feel awfully big.

I don’t believe in putting my dirty laundry out to dry on my Facebook page, or on sharing every thought (positive or negative) that crosses my mind. I’m just like the rest of the Internet; curating my online life to show me in my own best light.

Sometimes though, in between those life-is-so-good profile pictures and those things we cross of the lifetime bucket list, there are days when our weaknesses are more powerful than our strengths and we just sort of suck at being that curated version of ourselves that so many of us feel pressured to be.

I always want to do my best and be my best, but I failed at that yesterday. I’m glad it’s a new day today. Time to hide out, recharge, and try to refocus on the strengths instead of the weaknesses so that today doesn’t become another stormy day.

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6 Comments

  1. I appreciate when people share both sides of their lives. I love reading everyone’s “adventures,” but it helps me to hear/read every now and then that other people’s lives aren’t always perfect! Thanks for sharing your down day!

    • Who’d have thought that I’d get thanks for sharing my down day? Maybe I should write more often about the rough days. Lordy knows that this lifestyle has its good and bad moments. Thanks for your comment, Jodi!

  2. Well written! It’s always helpful to know that others have bad days too. I was about ‘a bubble off’ all last week. Didn’t feel bad, but was so tired, and SO crabby. It’s not characteristic of me to snap, but poor dad bore the brunt of my crankiness. I’ve decided that it was after holiday letdown, combined with terrible eating habits, an overloaded schedule, and absolutely zero sunshine in about 3 weeks that led to my meltdown. Let’s hope that this week is better for you! Thanks for sharing with us 🙂

    • Ugh, no sunshine is the worst! Plus, if you were looking forward to family visiting and don’t have the next trip on the schedule (to have the next family visit to look forward to) I think it makes saying goodbye a lot harder. I’m glad you finally saw the sun this week!

  3. I’ve very open in my blog. Hence my blog title. I prefer honest people than those who try to make it seem like their life is perfect.

    We all have bad days! It’s why I’m thankful for my blog. Ranting on it helps.

    • Amber, I agree! I love talking to people who shoot straight, but sometimes I have a harder time shooting straight on my blog. Maybe I’ll get some ideas on how to rant well from your blog. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

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