Is Small Town Missouri More Dangerous than Brooklyn?

I think it’s fair to say that the average person would assume life in Brooklyn to be far more thrilling and way more dangerous than life in a Missouri town of just over 2,500 people.  On the average day in said tiny Missouri town, the average person’s assumption might be accurate.

Today, however, was no average day.

***

Today was the first day of the month. Today was also April Fool’s Day. And today, I attempted to go to the local Wal-Mart Supercenter mid-day instead of going to Wal-Mart at my usual 10:00 p.m (or later).

My first near-miss was the tall, skinny gentleman with the little boy, walking European-like on the wrong side of the aisle. As I approached, they were walking in the center of the aisle, but as I got closer to them, they suddenly veered directly in front of me.

I’ve heard stories of deer doing this when they see headlights. Once the deer has already crossed the rural highway, it sees headlights over its shoulder, freaks out, does a 180, and leaps directly into the trajectory of the giant hunk of metal hurling itself down the highway.

Evolution eliminates the dumbest animals. If only shopping carts did the same.

My second near-miss were the two pre-teen girls who did exactly the same thing! They darted in front of my cart, ducked into the aisle to my immediate right, and slid around me as the resumed their original path.

It occurred to me that these girls were either not very smart or not aiming for efficiency.

I  paid for my things and exited the store. I used the pedestrian cross-walk to move from the building to the row where my car was parked. I noticed that a car coming down the row was beginning to move faster.

The closer I got to the intersection, the more the older lady in the red Chrysler accelerated. The woman drove out of her lane and through a parking spot, accelerating as we approached me. She whizzed past me, an arm’s length or less away, as she ran the stop sign and drove into the cross walk.

She had nearly run me over.

Annoyed, I huffed and puffed to my car, anxious to get safely to the comforts of Rosie and our cozy little cabin. I pulled out of my parking spot and headed down the row just in time for a 20-something boy to come remarkably close to ripping off the front of my car as he cut across my lane to make a left-hand turn into my row.

***

I think it’s fair to say that the average person would assume life in Brooklyn to be far more thrilling and way more dangerous than life in a Missouri town of just over 2,500 people.  On the average day in said tiny Missouri town, the average person’s assumption might be accurate.

Today, however, was no average day.

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